Words by Jo Ferreira

Read Jo’s natural beauty blog here: http://jolinaturellement.com
I have suffered from depression all my life. But when I became a mum two years ago I slowly found the strength to take control of my mood, whereas before it had always been the other way around. 
Fortunately I didn’t suffer from post-natal depression. I had the usual baby blues at the beginning, which was terrifying as it felt so like the depression I had had in the past. Not to mention dealing with the total annihilation of life as I had previously known it. For that first year I really had to watch myself. And I still have to watch myself. 

 

What I’ve learnt about depression over the years is that it’s like a chrysalis. It completely covers and consumes me and it’s hideous. But time has taught me that I always emerge the other side and very often as a stronger, better version of myself. It frees me up. Things were so bad there seemed only one way out? Well, I survived, and now every day is a blessing. 

 

Here are some of my coping strategies: 
1. Catch it early. Now I am much quicker to deal with depression when the first signs appear: withdrawal, irrational anger, tearfulness, trouble sleeping, lack of energy. It’s easiest to deal with if you can nip it in the bud. The flip side of knowing the signs is sometimes a few bad days can leave you fretting that you’re going to have a total meltdown. Accept that this isn’t always the case. Everyone has good weeks and bad ones. But if you’re tearful all the time, finding it hard to enjoy things, have withdrawn from friends and family, and have been that way for more than a fortnight then you may need help.

 

2. Ask for help. Whether that’s confiding in a friend or going to the doctor and asking for some counselling. Some surgeries have a GP who specialises in mental health, so call up and ask. Doctors vary hugely in their experience and sympathy towards depression. If you get fobbed off go back and see another one. I had some cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) through my GP just before my son’s first birthday. I was really struggling and it turned my life around. If you don’t feel you can talk to anyone openly then put the number for the Samaritans in your phone and call them if you need to. It’s so important you share how you are feeling. There is ALWAYS someone who’ll listen.

 

3. Take regular exercise. Even if it’s just a walk. Exercise is a tried and tested way of not just dealing with depression but actually preventing it in the first place. I do workout DVDs at home because the gym’s not an option. Zumba is my favourite. I’m sure I don’t look half as good doing it as I think I look but it makes me smile.

 

4. Get out of the house. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut and if you’re feeling low your confidence can take a hit and that makes getting out even harder. Add getting a baby out of the house into the mix and it can feel like a mammoth task. When my son was little I once stayed in the flat for three days in a row. Don’t do it. Force yourself to get out. I often book trips in with friends just so I can’t talk myself out of it. 

 

5. Treat yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It might just be your favourite meal once a week. One which requires little preparation. Extra points if it’s something your other half makes for you. Try to always have something to look forward to coming up. 

 

6. Don’t beat yourself up. What would you say to your best friend in your position? Would you tell her she was a bad mum, too fat, that she was doing this wrong or that wrong? Of course you wouldn’t. Be kind to yourself.

 

7. Find an outlet. At the beginning one of the hardest adjustments for me was the loss of creativity. Not that my job was particularly creative but there were moments of achievement in every day and that was good for me mentally. You have a baby, your life turns upside down and you’ve never been busier, yet somehow you don’t get the same sense of achievement. You bloody should. But you don’t. I find writing really soothing so I started a blog after my son was born. But it could be anything. Painting, singing, dancing, baking, Sudoku…whatever works for you, use it. 

 

8. Go easy on the booze. This isn’t going to be a popular one; I know a lot of mums really look forward to and deserve a glass or two at the end of a hard day. But if you are feeling depressed I promise you it’s best to avoid it until you feel better. It will either make you feel worse or give you a false high that you can only come down from. I actually found alcohol was so coupled with my depression that I’ve been teetotal for seven years. Give your brain a chance to heal without any added obstacles.

 

9. One day at a time. Hell, one hour at a time if you need to. You can’t change yesterday and you have no idea what tomorrow has in store. Take a deep breath, find a distraction and try to be really in the moment. After all, those moments pass so quickly. 

 

Being a mummy is about progress, not perfection. I still wobble. But I tell myself the next day will be better. I look at my little boy and even when he is stropping out he is everything. And the older you get, the longer you live with depression, the easier it gets. Maybe not everyone says that but it’s true for me. You can recover from it quicker. You start to recognise the path out. 

 

Becoming a mum gives us membership to a group of very special women. We are carers, in every sense of the word. So get together with other mummies and talk it through. That’s really what this piece is about…
Jo Ferreira
Read Jo’s natural beauty blog here: http://jolinaturellement.com