WORDS BY THE AWESOME MAMA MEL: CHECK HER OUT HERE
After my amaze balls first Mothers Meeting experience which can be read here. I was waiting with bated breath for my next MM, and lo and behold they did not disappoint.
On July 24th I attended my second Mothers Meeting:
Let’s Talk About Sex
With life coach and renowned ‘sexpert’ Dr Pam Spurr.
Umm yes please.
If you haven’t heard of, or seen Dr Pam on your TV screens, more information can be found here. Dr Pam is also a regular speaker on Big Brother’s Bit On The Side on Channel 5.
Let’s Talk About Sex was held at the great Shoreditch house; where there was an intimate group of ladies in an air conditioned library, with refreshments for all.
Things began by an introduction from Dr Pam who gave us some background information about herself and told us what she would be discussing with us today.
We went through questions, and Dr Pam offered us advice, a chance to talk and to listen to other mummies concerns or experiences. She was also honest and open in sharing her own experiences through work, having children and relationship struggles.
We had some preselected questions with very gorgeous and subject appropriate pictures on the projector screen.
Think large breasts, pert bums, lingerie, the works.
In a study it was recognised that many people exaggerated the amount of sex they were having. Maybe some people think this sounds better to others?
I prefer to be honest. Being a mummy, living at home with your mum and your partner (as appreciative as we are) and having baby in your bedroom = there is not much room for spontaneous acts of passion. Plus our bed is quite creaky and nobody, wants to be waking up baby, or having mother hearing you.
The main worries and questions were:
– Body insecurities
– Conflicting sexual schedules
They are tired when your ready. You are tired when they are ready. Yes that old b*tch of a cycle.
– Sex is mainly had in the bedroom where baby sleeps
– Breasts our magical lady lumps
– When will I feel like having sex again
– What our vaginas look like after having a baby
I have to admit I have not personally had a look ‘down there’ since giving birth, but my boyfriend, health visitor, doctor and mum said it’s all good in the hood (no pun intended).
Dr Pam came fully equipped for this session with sex toys from Lelo and Ann Summers. None of those garish roller balls, bigger than your leg, rabbit faced toys. These Lelo toys looked like little pieces of art, some with a ‘art’ price tag too.
‘Art’ Example 1
‘Art’ Example 2
‘Art’ Example 3
We were also introduced to a very handy friend. She is a pink, friendly and non evasive tool for your neither regions that is also purse friendly. I call her a she as it is pink and she can help to get you in the mood, before your lover comes home so you should be warmed up and raring to go.
Tick tick and tick I will leave the linky link here ladies.
We also realised there is a link between housework and sex for women. We know our hubbies help out so much and we are seriously grateful for this. However doing the dishes/laundry/bottles/flowers/a lil bit of romance goes a long way. Housework or helping out a tired mummy = treats, for you.
I’m sure all men would love to come home to us cooking in lingerie and heels. Sleeping in something barely there and lacy, as opposed to our lovely oversized T-shirt, which I’m sure, would earn us mummies treats too. However some of these things are not always possible when you have a little one running around your ankles, using you as a climbing frame, bottles and dishes to wash, nappies to change, washing to do etc.
For those women that do do such things, how? Please do let us all know.
The comment box is below.
I have tried to round up what we learnt from our session with each other & Dr Pam below.
So here goes, get your screen shots/mental notebook/pen and paper ready.
– Work Out When You Can
Small steps, brisk walking or jogging while pushing the pram. Every little bit helps.
– Date Night!
Make the most out of date night. Don’t overload each other with conversations all about baby. Talk to each other, remember what it was like before your baby arrived.
– Take Sex Outside Of The Bedroom
Use other parts of the house (if you can) while baby is sleeping. Use the sofa, bathroom or that little odd corner of the house you have yet to explore.
Ladies, I know we are tired, sleepy and feeling unsexy at times, but we have to try! Our men also need to be shown and reminded physically that we are still into them. It is also ok for you to begin things and let them finish themselves off. May not be ideal, but it is better than nothing :).
– Flip Reverse It
Believe our men when they compliment us. Flip the doubt on its head and try believing them when they say we are beautiful. This is definitely one I am working on.
– Power Of Persuasion
If wanting to introduce toys or new things into the bedroom without offending your partner, use gentle persuasion. Give and take instructions, suggest things, subtle hints, what ifs, what about trying, I was thinking of…. can all help with this.
– Fantasy Island
It is ok to let them know your sexual fantasies and vice versa. Talk about your fantasies, use details, sext text, it’s all fine.
– Honesty and No Fake Zone
Ladies and gents. Honesty is really the best policy. In using gentle language if talking about a sensitive subject, discussing and letting your partner know what’s going on will help you both so much!
No faking it.
Majority of us wondered how and why some women & men fake orgasms.
We were also given a small demonstration of ‘is this how you fake it – uuuuh uuhhh?’…..sound effects and everything :).
Everybody will be ready for sex again at different times. Some women are ready and raring to go after a week or two. Some women follow the 6 week guideline, for some women it can take months.
The trick is to not be too hard on yourself and try to talk to your partner.
Try to remain physically close, cuddling, kissing and foreplay can all help you to feel more comfortable in the long run.
I do personally believe your sex drive temporarily dips after giving birth as your body has just gone through a 10 month major change. Some times it can take a while to get readjusted to your new body, but that’s ok. Don’t add any extra pressure to yourself, as it will all work itself out.
– Distant Climax
If you are finding it hard to climax due to tiredness or stress, tell them, exactly that.
Speak and be honest if you are struggling with tiredness or stress, as there may be something your partner can do, to help relieve you of some tasks and let you regain some energy for extra curriculum activities.
There are so many different ways to describe the differences between Men and Women.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
Men are light switches, women are dimmer bulbs.
Men are like microwaves and women are like ovens. It is known that for many women they tend to take a while to get in the mood or to climax.
We spoke about women who find it hard to orgasm through penetrative sex. Cue a lemon demonstration of the C.A.T position, aka Coital Alignment Technique. Google is your friend ladies. Google is your friend. However I have placed a link here.
No porn strictly informative links. You can use your imagination on what the lemon was used for.
P.s the lemon was the woman.
Kegels aka your pelvic floor muscles are little exercises you can do to strengthen your va-jay-jay, to help keep it right and tight. They are discreet and as we were discussing them in the session, I’m sure we were all doing them in unison.
Isn’t kegels one of those weird things to describe to another person. Some mummies said the easiest way to describe it, is by stopping your pee mid flow. Another said she has heard it being described as sucking up spaghetti. [Literally lol’d while writing this].
Dr Pam added that eventually after some time and practise doing your kegels, not only will your man love it; but you may be able to hold a sex toy by your lady muscle, while walking around.
Yes. Casually walking around your home.
I was very serious about my kegels during pregnancy; and since having my baby I have been more sporadic with them.
Well no longer, I am taking no chances.
So squeeze one two three ladies. We all have to begin somewhere and let that be here today.
– Sex Box
Have a ‘sex box’ packed and ready to hand. You can use a safe lockable box, that your little one cannot get into. We do not want the kiddies playing with cock rings and such things thinking they are pretty teething rings.
You can modify your sex box to meet the needs of you and your partner.
The general things your sex box can contain are:
Etc…Anything you both enjoy or want to try
*That one outfit you feel sexy in*
Having that one outfit you feel sexy in is so important. Try and invest in that one (or few pieces) of lingerie that you feel are fail safe and right up sexyville for you. Seeing yourself in your outfit will help to dispel those feelings of tiredness too.
I think we were all eager to listen, make mental notes, and feel safe talking about sex with other mummies. There is just something about the atmosphere at these Mothers Meeting’s. Just so comfortable and positive – thank you Jenny.
If you haven’t done already do check out the Mothers Meeting website: mothers-meeting.com
A thank you also to the hilarious mum who provided us with full on sound effects, using the correct no holds barred language, faking orgasms the lot.
I in ways wish that men, well our men in particular could have been flies on the wall, to hear some of the things we discussed and the advice given. It is one thing to hear advice, but I know I struggle sometimes to implement this into my relationship/life. I think men would have been given a better understanding of some of our concerns and worries too.
Motherhood changes everything, isn’t that the parent mantra. Your sex life will change but not necessarily for the worst, but, it does change.
On top of being mummies, wives, girlfriends, we also have to make time and exert effort into our sex lives too.
They don’t call us Supermums for no reason.