Motherhood is challenging. That’s a given. Right from pregnancy we seem incrementally to lose ourselves into this strangely familiar, strangely unfamiliar world.

The­­re are utterly magical times, but it’s no secret that there is also isolation, bewildering repetitiveness and exhaustion.

Some mothers, like me, decide to take time out from work for the first five years of their child’s life. It’s a sacrifice, and I did this because it seemed to me that these years are crucial for a child’s psychological development. For those early years, I felt it was important that I was always available to accompany her on her journey. I had listened over the years to parents who had told me their stories about missing critical points in their child’s development, and how that in hindsight they had wished they had been there more, regardless of the financial and career sacrifices. Raising a child full-time is not an easy business, and doesn’t suit everyone – that I learnt from studying Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy before I had my child. Indeed, psychologically, both parents/or the single parent working is in many cases better for all concerned. Of course for most families, financially, there is no choice but to work full-time.

It didn’t make the decision any easier. But what tipped the balance for me was an idea I came across in the work of paediatrician DW Winnicott – just to be a “good enough mother,” and provide sufficient “environmental stability.” With this eminently attainable goal, I embarked on full-time mothering.

There is this dream of being treated like some kind of brave and vulnerable hero when you become a mum for the first time. Instead, you often find yourself relegated to a netherworld of zombified, former people struggling minute by minute to piece together the last fragments of their identity. Imagine being a character in a Samuel Beckett play trying to engage an unruly audience of Lilliputians. It can be a bit like that.

And in this context, it really is no wonder that mothers are not associated with social glamour. But it really is a shame.

It really is a shame because along this obstacle course, even in the notorious cultural deserts of suburbia, I have met women who handle motherhood with grace and aplomb. They are there for mostly every school run and bedtime, yet manage to retain their professional creative edge. It did take a bit of digging, but what I’ve come up with is gold.

I should mention that with the start of school life, at-home parenting has been a lot less demanding. I have been increasingly able to reconstruct my sense of who I am, a pleasant change, and not least in terms of my aspirations across work, charity and social life. This is good. I feel stronger for the mothering experience, finally, and sharper.

However, I am stripped of my illusions. The main one being that I would, with the start school, apply for a job, and get it. I mean – of course I would! Without wishing to brag, I should be very employable. I’d done well before motherhood, in PR, and then in Photography, and at a high point I had shown my work alongside major artists like Damien Hirst. Using my experience and getting back to work after full time mothering was the least of my concerns.

There again, you just don’t see time going by. “2009-2014 - Motherhood” would seem to many prospective employers to signify time wasted. It may be a choice, and it may be a tougher challenge than any other work I’ve done, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t prejudice against it. But for me, and I believe for anyone who wants it, this commitment to being a mother can mean coming out the other side with formidable expertise and experience.

Above all, mothering offers an improvement in Learning Agility - efficiency in applying the lessons of experience to current practice. Full-time mothers absolutely nail skills essential to any work - managing competing demands, multi-tasking, formidable negotiation and motivation skills, quick deliberate life changing (and sometimes life saving) decision making and the ability to prioritize. Maybe not something they are looking for in The Office. But in the right environment, gold dust. And this has raised a few questions for me.

What is the right environment? I can tell you what it’s not – a recruitment office. A normal interview. Any job offered by people who are stuck in a professional paradigm, without really believing in what they’re doing. Appointment after appointment has shown me what I don’t want, and what doesn’t want me, and I mean this pervasive lack of commitment, bare minimums, and creative stultification. No point fretting – the point is to find a road ahead, and get organized. But how?

Well, my first thought is talk to those mothers I have met who have managed to strike a balance between mothering and creative work. They really inspire me, because they have shown that there is another side, and the measure of success available.

Thinking about them, and thinking about who I was five years ago, I really feel a sense of mission. I want to change this prevailing state of affairs, which seems to position taking a break from work to concentrate on full-time motherhood as a hopeless underworld and abyss, as opposed to being a rite of passage on a greater journey. And not only do I believe in this other side, but I’ve come to realize that this moving on, and re-engaging with the world with a fresh eye – a mother’s eye - is in fact an essential part of mothering as I imagine it.

As I see it, our conditioning, as women, always leans towards taking a passive role. Good girls would seem to allow, but not to ask. I see some of my daughter’s 5 year old peers being encouraged to play these passive roles, like Princess, or Damsel – and they are often rewarded for being compliant. I find myself wondering, where are the rewards for being competitive, challenging, problem solving and vocal? For being self-reliant, resourceful and ingenious?

It may or may not be true that we become our parents, but I want to be careful of the example I set. Balancing the costs of childcare against how much I am there for my daughter, and to take a challenging role or just whatever’s going to ease the financial struggle of managing on one wage. These choices are more far-reaching than my own sense of satisfaction. I want my daughter to see me as someone who provides, and someone who is available for her. To be a workaholic? No. But to engage with the world socially, economically and charitably - definitely.

With regards to gathering ideas - in researching education issues, I encountered the following idea: boys learn by engaging in tasks, girls learn by talking together. I love this idea that we girls may be predisposed to engage in conversation. So, I’m thinking, that sounds quite good from the stand-point of getting organized. It reminded me that Fidel Castro famously commented that if he was to run the revolution again, he would do it with twelve loyal followers.

I know what you’re thinking - She’s a Commie! Well, no, but I’m fired up about this. I have found an existing group called Mothers Meeting. They share my passion for bringing together like-minded creative mothers, and using their basic platform, which involves connecting mothers in inspiring ways, I have approached various working mums in my vein of suburbia. It’s been surprisingly successful. Local mothers and businesswomen in fashion, art and media have signed up. What’s really interesting to me is how little input it has taken to get this show on the road.

I am excited. Mothers Meeting Local is happening! My sense of expectation is - well, probably disproportionate, but who cares, hey? Something’s happening! In the suburbs!

Viva la revolution!

Lou Mensah lives in St.Albans, Hertfordshire. She started her career in PR working with Anita Roddick’s team at The Body Shop Foundation, promoting a succession of campaigns inc. Free Ken Saro-Wiwa, and Against Domestic Violence. Her award winning photography critiques the effects of media image making on women – with this work she was selected as first runner up by Nick Knight and Alexander McQueen in The Independent Newspaper & American Express Fashion Photography Awards. Lou also works as a volunteer with Homestart – a leading UK family support charity. She is currently working on a study of the effects of gender stereotyping on raising girls.